Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
