the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
