i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
