There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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