My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
