PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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