Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
