That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
