omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
