did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize