Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
