Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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