If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
