can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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