: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I need moral support for this bender
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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