I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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