I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
A+ Viking dick
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
