remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
