You really coming over, don't trick.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
