Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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