AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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