And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
honey bunches of taint.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
