my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize