i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
