Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize