drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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