i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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