honey bunches of taint.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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