I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
