we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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