Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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