Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize