I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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