The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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