how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
