My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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