Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
