i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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