Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Randomize
