i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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