He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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