i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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