We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
