the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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