Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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