His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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