you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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