he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.â€
Randomize
