I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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