you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
