actually, I'm a sock model
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he thought i was a dude.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
