Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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