just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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