True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
