You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
