Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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