were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
