living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize