end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you would pick up someone in the library
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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