You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize