im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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