there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
