How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
