:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
