well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I cut my penus on the lid.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you inspire me to be a worse person
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize