I think my fart just growled at me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
