Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
