I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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