You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I AM VODKA MAN
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
