I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
home. puking in laundry basket.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
