He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
