You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize