From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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