There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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