Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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