If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
