If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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