Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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