and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
