Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize