plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
