Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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