For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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