FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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