Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize