hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
