Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
