there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
