She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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