I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
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