i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
soo... how was my night?
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