Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
