I wish I could punch you in the face.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
false alarm, still single
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
