just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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