I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Just pee around me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
