allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
