Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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