i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
