Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
