booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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