somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize