I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
