Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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