i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
