Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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