They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
