Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
