If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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