im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
